In this article I am going to help you to understand what a boundary is, why it could be overstepped at work, and what you can do to protect this and empower your people.
A boundary is a separation between one place and another, usually by a line or a physical separation.
Here are some examples:
The lines on a sports pitch, which clearly show when something is inside the pitch or outside.
Property boundaries- your property ends at a certain point, and the area next to it is that of your neighbour or a public place.
These are quite easy to understand, as there are clear lines and separations. However, in today’s modern world, and in your business, you will be dealing with more complicated, unclear, often emotion led boundary disputes and disruptions.
Here are some examples:
A work colleague has been overly friendly with you and you feel uncomfortable about it-this shows one of your internal boundaries had been threatened or over stepped.
Your junior manager went over time in her presentation in an important meeting, and as a result, your client got annoyed and you lost a renewal contract with them. Here, a time boundary- what is considered an acceptable period of time- has been violated.
So, a lot of these boundaries are invisible! you can’t physically see them, because they are to do with aspects such as emotions, time, conversations, internal thoughts and relationships. Boundary violations can also involve tangible aspects, such as money and physical environments and products.
Have you got boundary violations going on with your team? Perhaps you have. But, although it is your responsibility to help, were they your creations, and thus your fault? I would suggest, no, probably not. They are systemic of a greater dynamic at play in our technology driven, globalised, interdependent world.
It is important that we take a minute to consider this globally connected business and life context. This will give you the map of the territory that you can keep in mind, when applying our suggestions to help establish and protect boundaries for your people.
We live now in a globally connected, interdependent world. Most of us have internet access, apps, ai and software which all talk to each other all of the time. Gone are the days where most people would live in small villages, meet a small amount of people and die before age 50, having never left their village. (Not that there was anything wrong with that, it was just a different time.)
There are so many examples now where boudaries are blurred and crossed everyday: in WhatsApp groups, with music remixes, fusion cuisine cooking, working from home- the internet itself is a massive information sharing platform. And in a way, this sharing, and variety is a wonderful thing! However, some things- such as thoughts, emotions, private and sensitive information and some places, internal and external- are not for sharing, and need to be protected by people who may not have our best interests at heart.
Your role as a Leader is to help to look after your people, and to empower them to have healthy boundaries, as they are an essential element to creating an environment where success and happiness thrives.
Now we have explored what boundaries are, and self reflected on their nature and global inter-connected context, let’s look at 5 reasons why boundary violations occur, to help you to improve your structures and processes for your people. Keep an eye and ear out for these, they are quite easy to spot, once you are looking for them.
There are 3 main options available in the world of work: office or environment based, working from home and online/hybrid. This shift was accelerated by the covid pandemic, and so, many people are adjusting to working in a completely new place or space. How does the working mother of two children help them to understand that they can’t talk to mommy when she is looking at the laptop, because it means she is working? How can the dynamic young marketer who is extroverted and loves being around people, keep his self talk and attitude positive when having to work online? These are the modern boundary issues which your people are facing.
This one is on you. This is your responsibility. You need to be very calm and clear in helping people to know what is acceptable and what isn’t. What is allowed and what isn’t. Where are the lines in conversations and at work, which are not to be crossed? Because if you don’t explain this, how are your people supposed to adhere to them? How are they supposed to follow a rule that is invisible and has never been mentioned? They can’t. So don’t expect them to. You must lead them, and the best way, is by example.
Answering emails out of office hours. Being expected to contribute in group chats, slack channels etc. The problem with the internet and doing a lot of work online and through screens, is that there are always there, they never turn off. So how do we know when we should disconnect and not be available? We have to take this aspect very seriously. Remember, we are not computers, we are humans.
It is great to have professional friendships, the relationships that I have with my business clients and associates are one of my favourite parts of business! However, some people may misread your friendliness as romantically intended. Or, you may work with people and they do not want to be friends out of work, and we must respect that.
So now we know what may be going on, let’s help you with some simple positive actions that you can take today.
The best way to have clear boundaries with people is to clearly explain to them: what is possible what isn’t, what is allowed and what isn’t. You can do this with your team, with colleagues, with those superior to you, such as your investors (people often forget this one) and your Board of Directors. Remember, unless you state them, people will often not know where a boundary is, and so cannot be expected to adhere to it. Here are some example phrases that you can use:
“That is not possible because…”
“That is not possible because our policy does not allow those terms.” This very clearly states your policy boundary.
“That is not appropriate… to/for”
“That is not appropriate at this stage of the process because there is another step that comes first, which we must complete.”
This very clearly states the boundaries regarding standard operating proceedures and which things are to be done in which order.
“I do not feel that how you are acting/what you are saying is appropriate… in our workplace/ in this context….”
This is a very useful one for overly friendly or unwanted attention from colleagues. It states a boundary in a non-confrontational yet assertive way.
These are very important and I learned about them during my time as a primary school teacher. A safeguard is a measure which you put in place to protect yourself or your team from potential boundary violations. They are there to stop things from going wrong in the first place. Think of this as setting up a physical or emotional “fence” to prevent people from crossing the line. You can implement safeguards both in the digital and physical forms and spaces. Here are some inportant things for you to know about safeguarding (please note, this is not official safeguarding training, that can be provided by relevant training courses.)
Know who is the designated safeguarding lead, who is the lesson responsible for safeguarding your people .It may be you or a HR professional. Many people at work overstep boundaries by disclosing sensitive information, and this can burden the other person into thinking that this is now their problem to solve. Train your people to know that for any sensitive or potential dangerous situations, to go straight to the person responsible for this. I was taught this was passing information as up the chain. Doing this will help to remove the pressure that your people may feel to try and solve a situation, which is not their responsibility, not are they trained for. It can offer great relief for them by making sure that the appropriate person, such as HR or the DSL, is the person handling the situation.
A lot of people do not like confrontation, and they will shy away from saying no. Wanting to be agreeable and non-confrontational, is in a way, an admirable trait; as many people are amenable and do not want to cause trouble or upset people. However, there are many situations where you or your people should say exactly this. Saying no is one of the quickest and most effective boundary setting words that you can use. And I have found a way to make it even more effective. I will explain this then give you some example phrases that you can use, with contexts.
When saying no, add the word because afterwards. If you just say no, some people may be offended, and misunderstand your intentions. However, adding the word because and then providing a reason will not only assert a boundary, but also re-direct the person towards where you may want them to go.
No, because I have a full workload for this week, with no available time slots.
(Clients pushing you for update meetings.)
No, because that item isn’t on our agenda, this is our busiest time of year and we have to make best use of our time together today.
(A team member wants to talk about irrelevant topics in a directors meeting.)
No, because that person is working from home today, however I am happy to pass on your message and get them to contact you.
(A client demanding to speak to a member of your team in-person, the way that suits them best.)
No, I don’t feel that is appropriate as we work together and I want to remain professional with you, please respect that.
(A colleague wanting to pursue a friendship outside of work.)
No, you are not expected to answer these emails out of your working hours, please see mine at the bottom of this email, you can do the same.
(A manager of yours feels under pressure to have to answer emails at all hours of the day.)
I do not want you or any your team to experience burnout in your leadership roles. And so, a key part of establishing and maintaining boundaries is knowing which ones to enforce as non-negotiable and which ones can be a bit softer and you can ease up on. If you try to enforce every boundary- emotional, time, environmental, conversational, environmental- in the way that suit you all the time, you will exhaust yourself. And also set a bad example for others. Instead, liberate yourself by seeing it as, you are taking care of your people and what matters most, and others things are not worth getting worked up or concerned about.
Here are some examples:
You have shown your management team how to delegate tasks in one way. One manager is using a different method, which is more effective. You choose to allow this, realise this is her expressing her skills, and let it go. You know that part of delegation is to allow the movement of people to do things their way.
You are at a work team building day. One of your managers tells you a racist joke. You choose to enforce this boundary by taking them to one side privately, explaining how it is highly inappropriate, against your values, culture and what you stand for, and deliver an informal warning to them. You feel that in this case you have clearly stated a boundary as to what is acceptable and what is not regarding the conduct of your people.
You see one of your fellow directors close to burnout. So you choose to talk to them to support them. In confidence, they tell you that they are getting divorced, which has had a massively negative effect on both their physical and mental health, and their ability to do their job. After a deep and intimate conversation, you make a plan together.
You suggest that they speak to HR regarding implementing some flexible working hours (work-life balance boundaries.) And they say they would like you to help hold them accountable to keep staying focused at work (performance metrics boundaries) and to let them know if they are slipping and help them. You agree to this.
Finally, you introduce them to one of you Mental Health First Aiders and they agree that they will begin speaking with them. (An important boundary for you to put in place, you cannot be expected to help them in all ways.) Your fellow director thanks you, because you have helped them to put important boundaries in place and create a plan for them to begin to move forwards.
Here is a video I have made for you about How To Establish and Protect Boundaries:
Setting boundaries as a business owner is essential, and doing so properly can help you to improve your relationships, establish and maintain a healthy work-life balance, help to manage client expectations from you, improve client communications, establish quality delegation practices, and help people to know what is appropriate at work and what isn’t. They can also lead to subsequent increased productivity, and if done with sensitivity, care and kind candour, lead to improved, deepened relationships for you all.
Make the effort, your people will thank you.
